That's it! I'm done! I thought to myself as I sat contemplating my next move. See, God had delivered me from evil but I kept going back. Even when I slipped, he found me and brought me back but this time round, I was at the bottom of the slope-too far gone. I sat down wondering what to do next when I heard a voice.
I turned around and saw Him
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
“I heard your cry of distress and came running.”
“But Lord, why do you always do that even when I let you down over and over again?” I asked sobbing.
“Listen here child,” He said firmly. “You cost me my son and you're wrong if you think I'm ever letting you go.”
I could hardly control my sobs.
“Didn't you see what I've done? I can't seem to do anything right Lord, I'm broken,” I said amidst sniffles.
“I know child and it's my job to fix you if you let me,” he said reassuringly.
“Lord you keep fixing me but I keep falling apart. I am tired of fighting a lost battle. I replied resignedly.
“But child, how can you win the battle when you don't have the belt of truth?” he asked.
“Touché,” I replied too ashamed to admit that I had neglected reading the word.
“Know the truth and the truth will set you free,” he continued.
While I was still digesting what he had told me, he drew my attention to a broken glass swan in my house. It used to be my centerpiece before I dropped and consequently broke its neck. “Why do you still keep the broken swan instead of throwing it away?” he asked. “Throw it away? Hell no!” I shouted. “It cost me an arm and a leg I can't just throw it away besides; I'm planning on fixing it.” I continued
“Daughter,” he said calmly "in the same way you hang on to the broken swan with a view to fixing it (though we both know you won't) is the same way I can't give up on you. You say the swan cost you an arm and a leg well, you cost me my son! I can't give up on you because you're precious to me. You say you plan on fixing the swan but I know you're bluffing; however, I can assure you that I will fix you.
At this point, I was bawling. What do I wander in search of when I have The Way, The Truth and The Life? Why do I let down the only person who has my best interests at heart? Why do I settle for crumbs of love when the bread of life wants to shower me with his unconditional love?
So, I decided to go back to my first love because I realized that I didn't have to earn his love. It was there for me to accept and embrace it. I came up with a plan to not just read the word but to apply it. How has it been you ask? It's been awesome. I don't struggle as I used to because now, I have the belt of truth to hold my armor in place. I have unspeakable joy and lots of peace. And no, I don't have it figured out but his word has been illuminating my path and I hardly stumble.
You're too precious for God to give up on you, you cost him his son. What’s not to love about this God? You didn’t choose him, he chose you. Feeling like you’re too far gone and beyond grace? Run to him, he will love you unconditionally and fix what's broken. He will keep you from stumbling. He will not let you go for he has said in his word, John 6:39 “And this is the will of him who sent me, that I shall lose none of all those he has given me...” You are in safe hands.
Child of God, You Cost Him His Son